Captain, my captain...
you sir
1] have too much time on your hands
2] tienes cojones grande
3] have questionable taste
4] are funny as hell
5] are greatly appreciated by me

A doctor friend of mine told me he had slept with a patient. He was trying to justify his actions," Well, I wasn't actively treating the patient,she was recovering nicely from being hit by a car. I happened to see her on the street... It's not like I'm a psychiatrist."
"Zeke," I said, "You're a vetrenarian!"