WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
> Yes = No.
>
> No = Yes.
>
> Maybe = No.
>
> We need = I want.
>
> I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
>
> We need to talk = I need to complain.
>
> Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.
>
> Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
>
> I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
>
> Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.
>
> You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
>
> Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
>
> You're so ... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
>
> Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
>
> It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
>
> You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
>
> I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
> on TV.
>
> How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really
> not going to like.
>
>
> MEN'S ENGLISH:
>
> I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
>
> I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
>
> I'm tired = I'm tired.
>
> Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
>
> I love you = Let's have sex now.
>
> I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
>
> What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
>
> May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
>
> Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
>
> Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
>
> Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
>
> Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
> with other guys.
>
> You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with
> you within the next ten minutes.
>
> Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
> person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
>
> I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.

There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.