This is supposedly a portion of an actual depo transcript-

Lawyer: Did you check for a pulse?

Coroner: No. That's ridiculous. I never check for a pulse.

Lawyer: Did you check any vital signs?

Coroner: Of course not.

Lawyer: Then isn't it just possible that the victim might have been alive when the autopsy started?

Coroner: No, that's not possible.

Lawyer: If you didn't check any vital signs, how can you be so sure?

Coroner: Because his brain was on my desk in a jar.

Lawyer (hesitating): Couldn't he have been alive nonetheless?

Coroner: I guess he could have been alive and practicing law someplace.