headline in the UK Daily Mail today: "If the Few had defended as badly as England, we'd all be speaking German now."

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still
alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely shit. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the
message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jamal, aged 6.