AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Joke Thread

Here's one for DP and all the cat lovers:

A guy takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look-see at him."

He picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What!?" the guy says, "because he's cross-eyed?"

"No," the doc replies, "because he's really heavy."

This is not really a joke, but for all you cat picture lovers out there, check this out:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/lioncut.asp

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam!

Seahorse

Adorable.

There's a scuba diving geologist who has made it his business to measure the relative sizes of the rises, drops, cavities and undulations of coral formations. Of course this can only be done in the summer months so he takes the winters off to avoid the frigid air.

You may tag him as a frost-free reef ridge rater.

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathly silence transcends the bar.

In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Subject: MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stood up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wailed. Then she yelled, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there was silence. Everyone had forgotten their own peril. Eyes riveted, they all stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...

Then the man said, "Iron this -- and then get me a beer."