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LOLOLOL!!! Lasergod, keep 'em coming!!

Blonde jokes?

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking. One of them says to the other, "Which do you think is farther
away, Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????

******

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

*******

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

******

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S JUST A SCARF!"

******

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

******

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

******

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs. She asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Hellllllllooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

A blonde woke up one morning and decided that she had had enough of all the blonde jokes, so she dyed her hair brown, well the dye job turned out so good that she immediately felt brilliant. She was feeling so good about things that she got all dolled up and took her corvette out for a nice drive in the country. Along the way a large flock of sheep were crossing the road in front of her and she had to stop, she decided that she would try out her new found intelligence on the shepherd so she called him over and said to him "if I can guess how many sheep are in your herd will you give me one" the shepherd answered that yes if she could guess the correct number of sheep she could take one of the animals home. She stould up and surveyed the herd for a couple of minutes and said that there were 476 sheep in the flock. He was amazed and said you are right lady go pick out your animal, she finally picked out one and the shepherd asked her if she was sure that the animal was the one she wanted, and she answered yes and put the animal in her car. Just as she was about to leave the shepherd said "hey lady if I can guess your true hair color will you give me back my sheep dog!

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"


One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought -- I can't figure out how to get started."

Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"

"From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the blonde.

The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box."

"Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde.

"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle... what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."


How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll down...


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and yet another blonde joke.......

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...


"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

There was this blonde who bought a coach ticket to go to Chicago. She boards the plane and sits in the first class area. The flight attendant approaches her and says "Excuse miss, your ticket says coach so you'll have to move to the coach area."

The blonde explains, "I'm blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to Chicago."

The flight attendant leaves and explains the situation to the head flight attendant. A few minutes later, the head flight attendant approaches her and says "Excuse miss, your ticket says coach so you'll have to move to the coach area."

The blonde explains, "I'm blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to Chicago."

The flight attendants look at each other in amazement and decide to get assistance from the captain. A few minutes later, the captain approaches her and says, "Excuse miss, your ticket says coach so you'll have to move to the coach area."

The blonde explains, "I'm blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to Chicago."

The captain shakes his head, then bends down and whispers in the blonde's ear. A moment later, she gets up from her seat suddenly, grabs her luggage, and rushes over to the coach area.

One of the flight attendants asks the captain, "What on Earth did you say to her?"

The captain explains, "I told her first class wasn't going to Chicago."

Last ONE

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly, a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. So, instantly, the fairy turns her into brunette, and she then swims off the island.

The next blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly, the fairy turns her into redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. So, the fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

How can you tell a blondes been on your computer?

White-out on the screen..

Rumour has it that if a man goes bald on the back of his head he is a thinker, if he goes bald on the front of his head he is sexy, and if he goes bald on the front and backside of his head he thinks he's sexy