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Info from Las Vegas
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>> Catholics in Las Vegas
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>> This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but
>> there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some
>> worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when
>> the basket is passed.
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>> Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have
>> devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected
>> chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are
>> taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
>


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>> This is done by the chip monks.
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>> Didn't see it comin' did ya?!?!
>>

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
"What have you done Tommy O'Connor?"
"I had sex with a girl."
"Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" he asked.
"No Father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?"
"No Father, please forgive me for my sin," he replied.
"Well then it has to be Sarah Martha O'Keefe."
"No Father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was."
"Okay, Tommy, go say five Hail Mary's and four Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting.
"What did ya get?" asked Joseph.
"Well I got five hail Marys, four Our Fathers, and three good leads."

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an Important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

ain't that always the way

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used Tide all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER