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Ha ha ha ha --- so damn true.

I was just thinking that relationships can be so conflicted with feelings of....sh*t where's my doritos?

DAMN......... You're a friggin mind reader! I never know what is going on

Someone finally nailed it dead on.

Don't you just love relationships...

She-"Honey, do these shoes match this dress"?
He-"Sweetheart, I own a pair of sneakers, two pair of flip flops and a pair of work boots...why are you asking me"?

She-"Honey, should I bring the brown leather purse or my grey Louis Vitton knock off I got at the outlet when we were driving to "Vegas 3 years ago when you ordered the chili dog at the stand from that guy while I was in the Guess store getting my mom a dress for my sister's brother in laws wedding we went to on United Airlines on your air miles when you bought that drill table thingy for the garage on our VISA card that I didn't think was a good idea until I found out we got a free ticket to Cleveland?
He-"What???"
She-"See, you never listen to me or care what I wear!"
He-"I like the the brown shoes".
She-"I was talking about purses! The brown one or the grey one"?
He-"I don't know...can't you e-mail Harry Blackstone, the magician guy that makes the best and worst dressed list and ask HIM!"

She-"Does this dress make my butt look big"?
He-"Your butt looks great honey!"
She-"So you think it does make my butt look big, don't you"!!
He-"Honey, your butt is so small it makes Olive Oil's look like Oprah's"!
She-"You're sleeping on the couch tonight, funny man"!

She-"We need to talk".
He-'What did I do NOW!"

She-"Did you get the kids some lunch while I was gone"?
He-"I think they were still full from the Captain Crunch they ate for breakfast".

She-"My mom is coming over for dinner on Sunday".
He-"Why..I mean why don't I get some steaks to BBQ."

A small problem with the initiative process:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi3erdgVVTw&eurl=

That says a lot!

Ah, c'mon JC. You think that's a problem?

I recieved this from a friend in N. Ireland. Very funny

SATAN'S TEMPTATIONS
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that? And Man said "Yes!"
And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14. So God said "Try my fresh green salad".
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, And super size 'em".

And Satan said "It is good."
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here 's the final word on nutrition and health.:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

This Old guy dies and goes up to heaven
he immediately sees 2 signs
The first sign says MEN WHO WERE CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIFES.
the old man looks and sees that this line is about 10 miles long

The second sign says MEN WEHO WERE NOT CONTROLLED BY THIER WIFES.

Lo and behold there is only 1 guy in this line.
the old man walks over to him "Tell me he says, why are you standing over here" the guy looks at him and replies "I don't know my wife told me to"

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration. "Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go a lot faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.