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An oldie but goodie!

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:



Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash Rinse conditioner off hair.Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.Get out of shower.Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:



Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom If you see wife along the way,shake
wiener at her while making the woo- woo sound.Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of yourwiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
soap.Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull
off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.


If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day!

Oh, and.woo-woo!!!

So now we know about life in the Syme household!

wooo wooo

OMG! Have you been in our bedroom???? That's so funny (and true!)

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such
simple creatures?











Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a
nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000, Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to
them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still
be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look




>You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.




>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a




>mustache.




>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on




>December 24 in 25 minutes.




>No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who




>can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.




>

yet ANOTHER truism! LOL

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."


The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her Nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says His Name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he Knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
Collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
Elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the Bank Manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger Out There who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants To Use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is This?"



The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!