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An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?", asks the doctor. "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went." It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"

"T'was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"


Ouch!!!!!

letter from Son to Dad about college life....some 50 years ago...

No Mon, no fun, your son

Too Bad, so sad, your dad

>
>MARRIED LIFE - MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP, SUCH A HAPPY ENDING !A couple had
>only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in
>love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and par! ty with his old
>buddies.So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back.""Where are
>you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife."I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,"
>he answered. I'm going to ! have a beer."The wife said, "You want a beer,
>my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
>different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany,
>Holland, Japan, India, etc.The husband didn't know what to do, and the only
>thing that he could think of saying was, "! Yes, Lollipop... but at the
>bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... "He didn't get to finish the
>sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen
>glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen
>that she was getting chills just holding it.The husband, looking a bit
>pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors
>d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! right
>back. I promise. OK?""You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened
>the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
>pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches."But my sweet honey...
>at the bar. you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...""You
>want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN,
>SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS
>D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT
>IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"and...they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a
>sweet story? --
>
>
>

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

http://www.seemoresideeffects.ca/
Lady's only

Wow...is it hot in here or is it just me?

I got this one from one of my ex-students (don't I have great kids?)

The virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
* * * * * * * * *
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
* * * * * * * * *
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
* * * * * * * * *
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
* * * * * * * * *
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
* * * * * * * * *
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
* * * * * * * * *
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
* * * * * * * *
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

The man had rather lost his libido so his wife marched him off to the doctor. He prescribed Viagra and said they should come back in a week. When they returned the doctor asked the husband "Well, how is it going? Do you feel like a new man yet?". He was about to reply when his wife chipped in "I do".

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I
don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From
Kingman , KS