AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

Was in a criminal court the other day and witnessed a rather humorous exchange. A DUI defendant was being sentenced to two months in county jail. The defendant stood up and shouted, "Kiss my ass." Without missing a beat, the judge shouted back, "Motion denied," and immediately sentenced the guy to an additional two months for contempt of court. Who says judges don't have a sense of humor?

Did you hear about the drunk that was called before the judge who said "Sir, did you set fire to the bed?"
The drunk respectively replied, "No sir, it was on fire when I got in it."

a women in her 30's was standing in line at the grocery store with her items. she places her cart on the counter and begins to unload her items on the belt.
a drunk guy comes in line behind her and is drunkenly checking out her stuff.
she has a loaf of bread, some cheese, a bottle of Clorox, some Frito's, a box of cheerios and a people magazine.
the drunk studies all this and tugs on her sleeve.
"i can tell,, yer single, ain't ya?" he slurs the words as a drunk would.
the women is surprised. how could he determine this from my groceries?
she replies, "why, yes i am. how did you know?"
"cause,,,,yer ugly" he slurs!

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up & saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As
fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of
nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's
your business role at this convention?"

Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned
from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular
myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained," one popular myth is that African-American
men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the
Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best
stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this
with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me
Bubba." [color:#990000] [size:11pt] [/color][/size]

At a bussiness meeting the Manager became quite upset stating he felt he was not getting the respect he should be shown.He went out and purchased a sign that said I AM THE BOSS and put it on his door.When he returned from lunch someone had wrote on the sign Your Wife called and wants her sign back!

Thanks Barnacle - Read your joke with a mouthful of red wine...need a new keyboard!

I love "quick on their feet" Judges!!

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I
went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line.

Just one lady in front of me. . .an Asian lady who was trying
to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two
hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

that is oh so good bill...