AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

I love it when you talk like that

E !

Ive got your back, Hon !

Now, that's funny

Hon, my mother was French-Canadian. Anyhow, has anybody noticed that people from the US get a lot more heat on this board than any other nationality? Maybe we were just born with thicker skin.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the
Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as
marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major
airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Amaingly Simple Home remedies

1. If you are choking on an Ice Cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat.Presto the blockage will instantl disappear.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with Mrs. about lifting toilet seat by
using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure suffers; simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minute,thus reducing the pressurein your
veins.Rember to use a timer.

5.A mouse clock placed on top of you Alarm Clock,will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
snooze button.

6. If youhave a bad cough,take a large dose of Laxatives,then
you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need 2 tools in life-wd-40 and duct tape.If it
doesn't move and should use wd-40.If it shouldn't move and does use Duct tape.

Daily Thought For The Day:Some People are like Slinkies,Not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

It just cracks me up how often the same jokes get recycled on this board!

//ambergriscaye.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/253477/fpart/15

5th post down

This is a green board, therefore recycling is encouraged!

I love the smiles, and knowing the person posting the joke is smiling on that day too.

makes me laugh too, Chloe!

[quote=Leah-Ann There ya go, Hon! Couldn't have said it better myself. I gotta say, I really dislike those gross generalizations... [/quote]
WOULD YOU PREFER THAT I GO FOR BLATANT UNTRUE PERSONAL ATTACKS (I DIDN'T THINK ANN COULTER COULD READ OR WRITE, FROM YOUR POST REGARDING ALGORES PEACE PRIZE) RATHER THAN TRUISMS THAT HAVE PROVEN THEMSELVES TIME AND AGAIN OVER THE YEARS?
DO THE FRENCH HAVE A PENCHANT FOR GARLIC? DO THEY WEAR BERETS? RIDE BIKES? ARE THEIR WOMEN FOLK RENOWNED FOR UNSHAVEN AREAS? YES OR NO QUESTIONS
NEXT ISSUE: THE MINCING LITTLE SOP WAS FROM BLACKBURN, AND SPOKE BOTH ENGLISH AND FRENCH WITH A LANCASTRIAN ACCENT...HE WAS ONE OF THE ONLY MASTERS OTHER THAN THE HEADMASTER WHO INSISTED ON WEARING A CAP AND GOWN AT ALL TIMES ON SCHOOL GROUNDS, AND WAS ONE OF THOSE DREADFUL CREATURES THAT COULD ONLY FIND A HOME IN ACADEMIA OR GOVERNMENT WORK...AND QUE THE LIBERAL ATTACK DOGS.........
FINALLY HON, IF I TOUCHED A SENSITIVE NERVE, PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY, AND SELECT ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PRIZES THAT I WILL BRING WITH ME ON MY NEXT TRIP DOWN: AN ENCYCLOPEDIA, A WHITE FLAG, A CASE OF GUINNESS OR A MAP OF THE MEADOWLANDS (HOFFA'S GRAVESITE MARKED WITH AN X) AND A SPECIAL BONUS PRIZE OF A RAZOR!!
THIS IS "SMILES FOR THE DAY", NOT PC 101, BUT PLEASE NO JOKES ABOUT FAT GUYS WITH BAD TEETH OR I'LL BURST INTO TEARS