AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

Ernie, Bill and KC, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf on Chapel Caye one fine November day. Ernie remarked to the others, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," Bill replied, "it's Thursday."

KC chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a Belikin."

Thats funny ??????

SORRY ERNIE - I SHOULD HAVE TYPED IN CAPS SO YOU COULD READ IT EASIER!!!!

Awwwww, Geeze

An old "retired" guy goes to his doctor for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "Bill, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Bill replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor
eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off.

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Bill's wife.
"Becky," he says "Bill is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

"Oh my God!" Becky exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"

Hey I resemble that remark..

Belikin!! Did I hear Belikin? I'll take 2 or 9 please.

Hahahahahahahahahaha Dita! Good one!

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her Little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

What does it look like?' the driver finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it. The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the police woman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables . So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"