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If you have to have to swallow your gum maybe you try the one that does not stick to your Dentures, you may want try that and give us your results, but first shave your ***.

You have to read several posts back to Amandas post to understand.

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la Casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz.."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora" ), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

While taking an English language class for citizenship, a student was asked to form a sentence using the words 'green', pink', and yellow'.
The student stood up and addressed the class.
"when the telephone goes 'green green', I 'pink' it up, and say 'yellow'.

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advise in
reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when
you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a
try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as
to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was
almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with
his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and
tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there
passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute
nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn't good?"

"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll
never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

GREAT ONE!!!!! Oh boy.....Thanks for the laugh Elbert...

Fairy Tale:

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman, who, surprisingly, did not whine, nag, or bitch........


But this was a long time ago...and it was just one day.

The End

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift.

Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
and tries to write with it.

She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says,

'Well, that's great.........that's really great ........ some asshole's got
my pen

DOCTORS

A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that
we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
out looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of
one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in
four weeks."
A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that
we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and
have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are
way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her
to Washington where she will become President, and then half the
country will be out looking for work."

Rykat
Why hold back? Why not tell us how you really feel?

And get banned again, Harriette. No way!!