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Aw, come on Rykat, give piece a chance!

We are witnessing the kinder, gentler Rykat.

George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Parisian sauna.

Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. "I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm."

Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand."

By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the sauna, but returned momentarily. When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him increduously. It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Frenchman's posterior. When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: "Marie sainte! I'm think I'm getting a fax."

aw schucks!

I want the OLD rykat!!!!!

I recently turned 55 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my healthcare insurance .
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests,he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"
He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."
"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"
"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".
"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said,
"Then why do you give a s%$t?"

watch out what you wish for.
Besides, since someone eunuched SIN, it's been no fun at all!

groan,,,



COMPANY HOLIDAY PARTY
========================memorandum:
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Manager
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

==================memorandum: =====

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.

Happy now?

=============memorandum: ==========

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Manager
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

=========memorandum: =============

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Manager
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party-the days are so short this time of year-or else package
everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Did I miss anything?
=======memorandum: ================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Manager
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.
Okay???

====memorandum: ===================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Manager
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

=memorandum: ======================
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Manager
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes ... but you know, they have feelings, too.
Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm
hearing them scream right now!
memorandum: ==============================

FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Manager
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Chanuk-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas!!!

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in
a hole when his neighbor peered over the
fence. Interested in what the cheeky faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What are you up to there, Timmy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, without looking up,
"and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned,
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied,
"That's because he's inside your phuckin cat!"