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These women know their place.

Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in
Kabul, Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She
noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands.

From Ms. Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive
Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind
their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,
"Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so
desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without
hesitation said, "Land mines."

LOL- that's awesome!

Two guys were deer hunting in the woods and got lost. One of the hunters turned to the other one and said "I always heard that if you get lost you should fire 3 shots in the air and someone will come and rescue you." The other hunter said fine and fired 3 shots in the air. They sat down under a tree and waited to be rescued. After a few hours the first hunter said "You know, I don't think anyone is coming. Maybe you should fire 3 more shots in the air." The second hunter said "I would, but that was my last arrow."

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you all, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met my lawyer yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that the U.S. is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Bill

**Disclaimer:** No trees were harmed in the sending of this message;
however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

BiIl Mc Ghee, this is excellent and funny, but sad to say it won't be to long until this is completely true for everything we do. Oh, how quickly we are getting there.

The Hormone Guide

Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS:
SAFER:
SAFEST:
ULTRA SAFE:

What's for dinner?
Can I help you with dinner?
Where would you like to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.

Are you wearing that?
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
WOW! Look at you!
Here, have some wine

What are you so worked up about?
Could we be overreacting?
Here's my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.

Should you be eating that?
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.

What did you DO all day?
I hope you didn't over-do it today.
I've always loved you in that robe!
Here, have somewine


13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one.

13. Potential Murder Suspect





And remember: Money talks but Chocolate SINGS !!!

a traveling salesman walks up to the house and knocks on the door.
the door opens and there stands a kid, about 8 yrs. old in his underwear, a hat, sunglasses.
he has a big cigar in one hand and a bottle of jack daniels in the other.
the salesman looks at him and asks,,"uh, hi son. are your parents home?"
the kid replies, "what the f**k do YOU think?"

a man walks into a bar with a large crocodile on a rope.
he loudly proclaims that he will bet anyone that he can place all his 'manhood' inside the crocks mouth for 2 minutes and not be hurt.
a few people take him up on the bet.
he prys open the crocks yapper and sticks aalll his 'stuff' inside the crocks mouth and the crocks closes his jaws.
2 minutes go by and the guy grabs a beer bottle and slams it over the crocks head. the crock opens his jaws and the man removes his 'unit' undamaged.
"OK,, who else wants to give it a try?" he asks as he is collecting his winnings.
after awhile, a shy voice comes from a blond girl in the back,,
"I'll try it,, just don't hit me with any beer bottles!"

A very loud, unattractive, angry woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.



The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly,

"Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,

"Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 5.

Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter.



"I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.




Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

Since it is tax season let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve: "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. "Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"
"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.





Professor of Economics