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This may be a repeat:

Subject: Say What You Mean

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.


"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"


"I can't pee out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.


Mess with seniors and yo u're gonna lose!

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.
Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and
Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixad rupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT &DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.(and NASCAR 500.0)

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
-------------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'I Thought You Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought

it might be a comfort to all of you. It was to me, and

it's very well written.




' WINTER '
a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre


' SHIT, It's Cold ! '

The End

ROFLMAO! Thanks Bob!

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem.

She picked up the six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

"Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. "The curlers are on me."

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL-1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL-2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL-3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go."

"From now on when I say BELL-1 I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL-2 I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL-3 we are going to make love all night."

The next night he came home from work and yelled "BELL-1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled "BELL-2!" the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL-3!" they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL-4!". "What the hell is BELL-4?" asked the husband.

"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE" she replied "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE".

Nursery Rhymes, Nutts style!

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass'
********************
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Too funny, Croc. A good way to start the day!

Dear Friends hooked on "the board",

Did you remember to clean your monitor, inside and out, to start the new year?

Gunky monitors lead to eye strain, flies on the monitor, and misunderstandings in chat rooms. But it is difficult sometimes to clean out the interior of the monitor screen. This new program is both environmentally friendly AND an effective cleaning agent. Takes just a little to load.
http://www.roberthein.dk/screenclean.swf