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Good going, azbob - keep us pug lovers and friends of pug lovers posted!

Someone say Pug Lover?

I thought it was just a mild infatuation from a distance!

Hope springs eternal!

WooHoo, got it. Thanks azbob.

This one is for Seashell:

Vodka!

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2.To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9 . Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag. Freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter and apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the poisoned oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me, I've only been drinking the stuff!

Rubbing alcohol is much cheaper! Not to drink that is!

Sorry for the all caps- i wasn't about to retype this one!

This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside salt lake city , utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go
beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and
started.

In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could
think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became
aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some
assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced
with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her
free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip
his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in
laughter, she took the tonight show prize hands down. Or perhaps
that should be 'pants down.' and you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay leno 's comment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and
was sitting next to her on the leno show.

OMG...that is hysterical! Thanks for starting my morning off laughing!

9 Things Women Say

1 "Fine"
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.

2 "Five Minutes"
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3 "Nothing"
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4 "Go Ahead"
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5 'Loud Sigh'
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6 "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can
make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7 "Thanks"
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8 "Whatever"
Is a women's way of saying @~!* YOU!

9 "Don't worry about it, I got it."
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?"
For the woman's response refer to #3.

Dear 1BKeeper,

Whatever!