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I ACCTUALLY RECIEVED A "THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION" LETTER FROM KOHLER FOR THIS !

Dear Sirs,

As I reach middle age, I am convinced that toilets are being designed by men or women much younger than I.

At the age of 25 I could drink a case of beer and pass out for 12 hours, while at age 55 a cup of coffee after 6pm will guarantee me not only my usual 3 am bathroom stop, but also a 1am visit.

My wife wants the seat down at all times to stop the dog drinking from the toilet, and also does not want to be awakened by the light coming on, so the result is that i stumble around in the dark before sitting down.

I sit because my aim even in daylight is not what it used to be, and in the dark it is particularly ineffective.

Now comes the problem with your design:

1) my knees have suffered through years of skiing and rugby, and my weight has long since passed through any region that the surgeon general would consider ideal, so when they (my knees) are disturbed from a deep sleep by their buddy the aging prostrate, they fail to function optimally, and have trouble supporting my body weight as they pass through 90 degrees.

As I crash land with all the grace of a gooney bird, this leads to problem #2

2) like most parts of the human body as it ages, my scrotum sags more each year, and always seems to extend about a half inch below the waterline of the toilet, which in turn means I wake my wife most nights with the expletive ***$$%%^* Kohler!


I and I'm sure many others in future would be thrilled if you would consider the aging population of the country, and that we are now on average almost 6" taller than a century ago, and build a toilet that was 24" of the ground, while keeping the water level where it currently is in the 21" models

I would then not have to write to you until another 2 3/8" of sagging occurs.


yours sincerley

Pugwash!

Newest drugs on the market for women:

DAMNITOL: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN: Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA: Injectible stimulant taken! prior t o shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENTA: Spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMEMT: When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

I think we've seen this one before, but here it goes again.

Results of a recent research, shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet Someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the Face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a Short time and you are so needy you will have sex Anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a Long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have Sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too Long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both Say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun In the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in Front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But, Not enough to enjoy yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN. I have enough problems of my own.

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in awhile, you get lucky and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to
touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, the King's chief doctor.

Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to
more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to
arrange it.

Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little
bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the
itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal
Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen
that only a special saliva, if applied for four

hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only
the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the

antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for
the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and
magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and
Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment
of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter
to the King, with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder
into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.
The moral of the story - Pay your bills.

In honor of Valentine's day.....A Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....
He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f-in blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

An amazing elephant story...
In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Sick!

Heaven getting crowded

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was there, having a bad day because heaven was getting crowded.

When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven: They each had to answer a single question.

To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"

The teacher thought for a second, and then replied: "That would have been the Titanic, right?" St. Peter let him through the gate.

Next, St. Peter turned to the garbage man, and figuring that heaven didn't really need all the stink that this guy would bring in, decided to make the question a little harder.

"How many people died on the ship?"

The garbage man guessed 1228, to which St. Peter said, "That happens to be right. Go ahead."

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "What were their names?"