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Bet you can't answer this one!

What gets longer when pulled ...............
Fits between your boobs..............
Inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked

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Scroll down to find the answer
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A SEAT BELT you pervert!!!
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BUCKLE up & pass it on ..................................................

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat......... ...

10% of women think their ass is too skinny......


The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

he he he he 8o) Thanks for the laughs today folks!

Mad Wife Disease

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up
behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in
your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of
one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a
good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked
up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which
knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was
that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."

The owner of a construction company in Paisley was confused about paying an
invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from Glasgow
University, I need some help. If I were to give you £120,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy
nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that
her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make
love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."

In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous
thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

Engineers:

Two engineers, Pete and Rod were standing at the base of
a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and
asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,"
said Pete, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few
bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape
measure from her pocket, took a measurement,
announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Rod shook his head and laughed. "isn't that just like
a //woman//! We ask for the height and she gives us the
length!"


Pete and Rod are currently retired on government
pensions in Belize Beach.

SUBMITTED BY ACTUAL PHYSICIANS



1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA.

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion, she answered...'Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR.

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So, how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI.

7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN, no name

AND FINALLY!!!...

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Friendship between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there.

Bywarren remarked in Pedro's recently, apropos absolutely nothing at all, that most men have insufficient blood to supply both their penises and their brains at the same time.

Can't imagine what he means.