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I'm 51....but really 44...not much difference there, just a few drinks. But I'll live to 85, so I can make up for it!

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they're walking along they come upon a huge hole in the
ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.


The first hunter says " Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."


The first hunter says, " There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it
in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.


They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush
behind em. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with
no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.


While they are standing there look ing at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out
what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't
happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"


The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat
came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"


And the old farmer said, " Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission! "

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every
time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off
the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this habit. So one night,
while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic
session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband
was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft,
wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent
bas***d,' she screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all
of these years? You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy . . You explain the kids.'

Animat Vs Animat II
warning contains graphic violence :-)

http://fc03.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/073/7/0/Animator_vs__Animation_II_by_alanbecker.swf

A nice one , so I'm not in too much deep~~~~~~~~~~~~




Old Age, I decided, is a gift

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I've learned when to stay and when to go.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.


I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ..... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)


MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

A recent study found the average American walks
about 900 miles a year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22
gallons of alcohol a year .

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles
to the gallon.

Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be American.



Ps: Posted by and Brit-Canuk.

He he he... I'm single for a reason!

From a bitter MAN...

Women's greatest strength is appearing weak.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework....you're a pansy. If you work too hard...there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay...you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her...that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ...its equal opportunity.


If you mention how nice she looks...its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet...its male indifference. If you cry...you're a wimp. If you don't...you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her...you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy...that's domination. If SHE asks you...it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...you're a pervert. If you don't...you're gay.


If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape...you're sexist. If you don't...you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape...you're vain. If you don't...you're a slob. If you buy her flowers...you're after something. If you don't...you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements...you're full of yourself. If you don't...you're not ambitious. If she has a headache...she's tired. If you have a headache...you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often...you're oversexed. If you don't...there must be someone else.


Men die first because they want to.

So what is the reason? Hairy Legs and out of shape?

someone obviously hasn't met the stunning TQ!!! or his eyesight is even worse than he claims!

Read her post!

I picked the "hairy legs and out of shape" line because the next part decries me as a sexist!

That would be known as sarcasm, an educated form of humour!

Its is called "smiles for the day", correct?