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Hillary as a child
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAu39I5QOUc

I thought you might like that one

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the
wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive
is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the
damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken
antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.


A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my
window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one
for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said .. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long , healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd
like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in
the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.

Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about
you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the
rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your
husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly..
'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?

5 YR. OLD'S FIRST JOB

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5 year old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the rough", more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us." "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, " I will, if those ***holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f---in' sheet rock."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye--doesn't it?

The Wish

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly he lp mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and ..... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

One Irish passenger yelled, "bye jezis you should see the back of mine!"

I am not sure how many will "get this" it is from those of us that work with pilots

What is the difference between God and a pilot?




God does not think he is a Pilot.

This one's told in the UK, with "doctor" substituted for "pilot".