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THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'

( you'll love this...)

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC.

Good one.

from BBC:
The FBI, DEA and CIA all argue that they are the best law enforcement agency in the world, so to find out once and for all which of them really is they devise a competition.
They release a rabbit into a forest, and whichever agency finds it first will be declared the best.
The FBI goes first. After two weeks of interviewing plants and animals, the FBI concludes that no rabbit has ever existed.
The DEA goes next. After burning down half the forest and defoliating the rest, they also find no rabbit.
The CIA goes last, and after a few moments, agents drag out a badly beaten bear, screaming "Ok, Ok! Yes, I'm a rabbit!"

That reminds me of a chuckle I read in the Sun this week ,the article titled 'Three Arrested' ends on page 13 with,
"Police believe that additional suspects are being sought at this time".

from BBC
A man was in court for a double murder and the judge said: 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out: 'You *******!'
The judge continued: 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner.'
Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out: 'You ******* *******!!!'
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and said: 'Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'
The man at the back of the court stood up and responded: 'For 15 years I've lived next door to the accused and every time I asked to borrow a ******* spanner, he said he didn't have one!

Somthing sweet to make to you smile. Make sure to have your sound on, enjoy.

http://www.maniacworld.com/twin-baby-moose-in-sprinkler.html

Beautiful!!!

Thanks Shopgirl. That did put a smile on my face.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.


After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.


The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'


So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.


He proceeded to talk up a storm.


Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from
the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a
religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the
Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to
convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent
them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the
Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said
that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

*The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the
Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me
there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

*"Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was
all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that
God was also right here with us.

*"I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of
all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

*"He bested me at every move and I could not continue."

*Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd
won. "I haven't a clue" the rabbi said. "First, he told me that we
had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

"Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews
and I told him that we were staying right here."

*"And then what?" asked a woman.

*"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

Good one - LOL