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A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,
decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a
nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first
house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How
much will you charge me?'
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she
would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation
said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way
around the house?'
He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied,
'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde
jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.
'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it
to her along with a ten dollar tip.
And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

Hee HEE !!!

This Week In History - 158 Years Ago


Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago...?

California became a state.

The State had no electricity.

The State had no money.

Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like it is today, except the women had
real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

This came up a while ago, and the only thing anyone seemed to dispute was the date of California's statehood......

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.

>>> He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

>>> 'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list,
but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so
I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who
weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have
to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.'

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water.
Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over,
and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in
hell.
No,' OJ said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I
don't think I could do that all day long.'
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore
with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing
that hammer, time after time after time.
'No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I
would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all
>>> day,' commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton,
lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs
restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica
Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, 'Yeah man,

I can handle this.'
The devil smiled and said . . . . . . .

>>> 'OK, Monica, you're free to go.'

The pastor asks his flock, "What would you like people to say when you're in your casket?" One congregant says, "I'd like them to say I was a fine family man."

Another says, "I'd like them to say I helped people."

The third responds, "I'd like them to say LOOK! I think he's moving!"

LOL

Potentialy and Realistically


'Dad, what is the difference between 'Potentially' and 'Realistically'?'


The father thought for a moment, then answered,

'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.


And then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'


So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.


His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied: 'Yes.


'Potentially,' you and I are sitting on three million dollars, But 'realistically,' we're living with two hookers and a future congressman.'

Rick was in trouble. He forgot Valentine's Day. His wife was really angry. She told him
"Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less
than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked
out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back
in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Keep an eye out for him!

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definately be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.



(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Good one VT, both sides presented well!!!!