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WISDOM - FROM THE MILITARY MANUALS



'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal
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'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' - U.S. Air Force Manual
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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur
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'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.' - U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant
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'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance
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'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' - Infantry Journal
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'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
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'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Corps Recruit
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'If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him!' - USAF Ammo Troop
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'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.' -SR-71 pilot
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'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
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'Even with ammunition, the Air Force is just another expensive flying club.'
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'What is the similarity between Air Traffic Controllers (ATC) and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies.'
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'Never trade luck for skill.'
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that? 'Where are we?' And; 'Oh S !'
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'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
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'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!'
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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
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'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'
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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft , having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

Just a thought .......

Do you realize President Obama probably signed his stimulus package, at the same desk, where President Clinton got his package stimulated?

LMAOPMP

I started to post that one but the pacifist in me over came the urge.

"Your Donkey"
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked..
As they went along they passed some people
Who remarked it was a shame the old man
Was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
So they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
They were stupid to walk when they had a
Decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
Who shamed them by saying how awful to
Put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man figured they were probably right,
So they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge,
They lost their grip on the animal
And he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
You might as well...



Kiss your ass goodbye!
Have A Nice Day And
Be Careful With Your Donkey

Nancy Pelosi is now a Saint....CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ?


On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No.. I don't really like the woman, and there
are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views." Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon." As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.

And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation -- "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person. Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief.

Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed.

She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington , and in California . She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to Senators Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."

I was talking to a little girl, who belonged to my friend, and she said she
wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats,
were
standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the
first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless
people."

"Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to
wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and
mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take
you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can
give
him the $50 to use toward food or a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds. And while her Mom glared at me, she
looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy
come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
In one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:



'Want coffee.'


The waiter says,



Sure, Chief.Coming right up.'

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
And then just walks out.


The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter



'Want coffee.'




The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?'

The Indian smiles and proudly says

'Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news.
> You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."
>
> The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
> waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
>
> "Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
> celebrate
> when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have
> cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini."
>
> After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There
> were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by
> some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were
> celebrating.
>
> The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. I've
> been diagnosed with AIDS.. The friends were aghast, gave the woman their
> condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
>
> After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,
> "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told
> your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??"
>
> "Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father
> after I'm gone." said the woman.
>
> And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs in Order'.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's and 60's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while
they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't
get tested for diabetes .

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby
cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no child proof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets
and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the
risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats,
booster seats , seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special
treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.


We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made
with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then
ridedown the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running
into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 's, X-boxes, no video games
at all,no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no
surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no
Internet or chatrooms.......

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in
us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with
sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen,
we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who
didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW
TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

I am. In 1957 I borrowed $50 from my dirt poor parents and spent $14 of that on a train ticket from Portland, Oregon to
San Francisco. That meant I arrived with $36 and four cardboard boxes. AND look at me now!
It's nice to once again live in a free country where kids have fun!
Thanks for sharing.