AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

Cooter and Gomer.

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley '

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.

Roll him over..'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stanley with them two assholes.'

The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing
more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to
have an early dismissal.


Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."


Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm
smart and will answer the question."


Teacher: "Who said, 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."


Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."


Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Had a Dream'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."


Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said, 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."


Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of
the questions.


When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches
would keep their mouths shut!"


The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Good one!

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.....

He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.

Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... Shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor..
'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news..
The good news is that you are going to be OK..

The damage was local to your groin.

There was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all the pellets.'

'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.

'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive pellet damage done to your penis, so I'm going to refer you to my sister.'

'Well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'

'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the Symphony Orchestra and she will teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye.'

Blond password



During a recent password security audit, it was found that a blond was using the following password:


MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyBatonRouge

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told
that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at
least one capital.

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and
> heads into the grill room.
> As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the
> bar :
> COLD BEER: $2.00
> HAMBURGER: $2.25
> CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
> CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
> HAND JOB: $50.00
>
> Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
> golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
> female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She
> glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
> "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
> The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he
> whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "
> She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure
> am" .
>
> The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,
> wash your hands real [#%!] good, cause I want a cheeseburger

Glückliches neues Jahr zu jeder hier…
Frohes Neues Jahr! Bonne Anne! Buon Anno! Feliz Ano Nuevo! Sona, Godt Nyttar! S Novym Godom! Ef Tychismeno To Neo Etos, S Novim Rokom, Sretna Nova Godina, Boldog Ujevet, La Multi Ani! Yeni Yilin kutlu Olsun!


Wish you a Prosperous and Happy New Year!

VT

And to you VT

this is funnier when told in canadian............

It must be