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two med students were sitting in a park eating lunch when an elderly man came walking by. the old man had his legs slightly apart and was a bit hunched over while kinda shuffling his feet.
the first student, wanting to show off his medical knowledge said "i can see he has 'Watkins disease' by the way he is walking".
the other med student said "no way, that's parly's disease' if i ever saw it".
the old man comes by and they ask him "excuse us sir, we are both med students and we were wondering what is wrong with you.
Bob here says 'watkins disease'.
the old man says "well you would be wrong".
the other med student says "parlys disease?"
"you would be wrong too."
"well what is wrong?"
"Well,,I thought i had gas but i was wrong too."

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'That Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.

They said, "Man, what happened? How did you sleep?"


Fred responded, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob in, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. He sat up all night watching me."

> >> Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United
> >> States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie
> >> down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.......
> >>
> >> "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
> >>
> >> "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
> >>
> >> With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the
> >> distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
> >>
> >> There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon
> >> ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.
> >>
> >> "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
> >>
> >> "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
> >>
> >> "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
> >> bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
> >>
> >> And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5
> >> metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up,
> >> and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his
> >> dying breath,
> >>
> >> "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
> >>
> >> "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
> >>
> >> "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
> >>
> >> Ees
> >>
> >> Ees
> >>
> >>
> >> Ees
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Ees a ham bush....."
> >>

champion,
You owe me 5 seconds; the time I used up in my life reading that joke.

A retired man, trying to find something interesting to occupy his time, went into the Job Centre in Downtown Toronto, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination." "The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to North Bay, that's about 220 miles from here."

"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now.

I thought it was pretty funny!, Owe you a beer then.

It was a groner, but funny. On a hot day 5 seconds is about all the time a beer lasts with me, so it's a deal.

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises

coming from the bedroom.

She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,

sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as

she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up

and says, "Mummy mummy Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"




The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.



'You rotten B!itch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23.. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.


He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.


As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.


When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.


Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'


The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law.'