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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention!
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, far more men are riding my invention than yours'.

GED Test

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL
breed. Make sure you read through all of them

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now,
there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So
true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,
I,O,U. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would
work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

CNN just reported that BP replaced the oil well cap with a wedding ring and it has immediately stopped putting out. News at 11.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1sMIa_eC2Y&feature=related

This is TOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!

How was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive..

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:





'You got Male!

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the
bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not
know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream
guy so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for
his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

Answer:
She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered
this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous
American Psychologist used to determine if one has the same mentality as a
killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the
question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for
you.

That joke reminds me of the Rorschach Inkblot test joke.
This guy is at the psychiatrists getting tested. The doctor shows him an ink blot and ask what do you see?
The patient says 'Two dogs screwing'
The Doctor says, 'Hummmmmm'
The doctor shows him another ink blot and ask what do you see?
The patient says 'A donkey having sex with two women'
The Doctor says, 'Hummmmmm'
The doctor shows him another ink blot and ask what do you see?
The patient says 'A naked man having sex with a sheep'
The Doctor says, 'Hummmmmm You obviously are sexually perverse.'
To which the patient replies,'Hummmmm, Your the one with the dirty pictures'.

My backdoor..

then again , fly helios , but wouldn't do that.

VT

Oil giant British Petroleum announced today that they will no longer hire Cajuns to help in the cleanup.

Thibodeaux, Boudreaux and Fontenot were told to clean as many brown pelicans as they could....

So far, Thibodeaux has cleaned and gutted over 56 birds while Boudreaux made the roux and Fontenot cooked the rice.