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Two women were sitting quietly together, minding there own business.

OLD FART PRIDE

I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the Star Spangled Banner (or O Canada ). Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbour , Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .

If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.

Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.

It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politician's, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.

Thank God for Old Farts!

I'll drink to that !

200 pages, and this has to be the best yet!

So true! Deep love!Hope you smile for everyday!

Doctors vs. Gun Owners

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. Is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians Per year are
120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician Is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of
Health and Human Services.

Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. Is 80,000,000.

(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths

Per year, all age groups, Is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths

Per gun owner Is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI

So, statistically, doctors are approximately

9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT

Almost everyone has at least one doctor.

This means you are over 900 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as a gun owner!!!

Please alert your friends To this Alarming threat.

We must ban doctors Before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the statistics on Lawyers For fear the shock would cause

People to panic and seek medical attention!

Gotta love this Chinese Doc!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...GOOD!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil.. How getting more vegetables bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans

CONCLUSION.....

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
spring-water.


When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow
of the curtain rods.?


She then cleaned up the kitchen and left... When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam
cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in
to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few
days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
carpeting. Nothing worked!


People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally,

they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to
return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely
and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to
reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed
on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but
only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the
paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get
to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker,
really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the
company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly"
policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up
job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's
odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed
Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
''They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''

Help keep my Oscar Hopes Alive.