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GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe -
well-developed and open to trade, especially
for something of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece & gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past..

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel -has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada -
cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts

THE END.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

means a smile and

is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) an ass hole


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned!

Complete & Finished

No English dictionary has been able to explain clearly the difference between these two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. I however disagree.

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".

And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED".

And when the right woman catches you with the wrong one you are "COMPLETELY FINISHED".

An older couple were having dinner in a nice restaurant. The woman, while sipping on a glass of wine said "I love you so much. I don't think I could live without you" The husband, in slight disbelief said "Is that you talking or the wine talking". The wife said" It's me talking..........................................to the wine".

SEX WITH AN OLDER MAN

When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asked,' Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.'

Mr. Burns said, 'I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.'
Oprah said, 'I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.'
George said,'Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.'
Oprah said, 'I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?'
So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, 'I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.'
George said, 'The second time is even better than the first time."
Oprah said, 'You can really do it again at your age?'
George said, 'Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.'
When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy.
She said, 'Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time.. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!'
George said that the third time would be even better. 'You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me in thirty minutes.'
Oprah said, 'Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?'
George said, 'No - the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!'

HA HA HA! Oh Barn, also, next time I'm down, can I borrow a hundert bucks?

Hmm a tad distasteful don't you think.

Agree Amanda - I could stand it if you deleted that one.

SICK!!!!!

That one has no place on a public forum. DELETE!