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Origin of Left & Right
I have often wondered why it is that Conservatives are called the "right"
and Liberals are called the "left."

By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:

"The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left."
Ecclesiastes 10:2

Thus sayeth the Lord. Amen.

Can't get any simpler than that.

Spelling Lesson
The last four letters in American..........I Can

The last four letters in Republican.......I Can

The last four letters in Democrats.........Rats


End of lesson. Test to follow in November, 2012

Remember, November is to be set aside as rodent extermination month.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head

and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up,

and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide
which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair
for each outfit..'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is
all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
I buy you?'

AMEN

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

Good stuff Champ ! Keep 'em coming !!!

Secret Service views of Presidents and First Ladies
*Here are snippets from a book of "Impressions & Observations" of Secret Service personnel assigned to guard U.S. Presidents/First Ladies, and Vice Presidents.

JOHN & JACQUELINE KENNEDY: *A philanderer of the highest order. *
*She ordered the kitchen help to save all the left-over wine during State dinners, which was mixed with fresh wine and served again during the next White House occasion.*

*LYNDON & LADYBIRD JOHNSON *Another philanderer of the highest order. In addition, LBJ was as crude as the day is long.*
*Both JFK and LBJ kept a lot of women in the White House for extramarital affairs, and both had set up "early warning systems" to alert them if/when their wives were nearby. Both Kennedy & Johnson were promiscuous and oversexed men. *
*She was either naive or just pretended to "not know" about her husband's many liaisons. *

*RICHARD & PAT NIXON ** *
*A "moral" man but very odd and weird, paranoid, etc. He had a horrible relationship with his family, and in a way, was almost a recluse.*
*She was quiet most of the time.*

*SPIRO AGNEW:** Nice, decent man, everyone in the Secret Service was surprised about his downfall.

*GERALD & BETTY FORD: ** *
*A true gentlemen who treated the Secret Service with respect and dignity. He had a great sense of humor.. *
*She drank a lot.*

*JIMMY & ROSALYN CARTER: ** *
*A complete phony who would portray one picture of himself to public and very different in private, e..g., would be shown carrying his own luggage, but the suit cases were always empty; he kept empty ones just for photo op's. Wanted the people to see him as pious and a non-drinker, but he and his family drank alcohol a lot. He had disdain for the Secret Service, and was very irresponsible with the "football" nuclear codes. He didn't think it was a big deal and would keep military aides at a great distance. Often does not acknowledge the presence of Secret Service personnel assigned to serve him.*
*She mostly did her own thing.

*RONALD & NANCY REAGAN: ** *
*The real deal --- moral, honest, respectful, and dignified. They treated Secret Service and everyone else with respect and honor. Thanked everyone all the time. He took the time to know everyone on a personal level. *
*One "favorite" story which has circulated among the Secret Service personnel was an incident early in his Presidency, when he came out of his room with a pistol tucked on his hip. The agent in charge asked: "Why the pistol, Mr. President?" He replied, "In case you boys can't get the job done, I can help." It was common for him to carry a pistol. When he met with Gorbachev, he had a pistol in his briefcase. Upon learning that Gary Hart was caught with Donna Rice, Reagan said, "Boys will be boys, but boys will not be Presidents." [He obviously either did not know or forgot JFK's and LBJ's sexcapades!]*
*She was very nice but very protective of the President; and the Secret Service was often caught in the middle. She tried hard to control what the President ate, and he would say to the agent "Come on, you gotta help me out."
The Reagans drank wine during State dinners and special occasions only; otherwise, they shunned alcohol; the Secret Service could count on one hand the times they were served wine during their "family dinner". For all the fake bluster of the Carters, the Reagans were the ones who lived life as genuinely moral people.*

*GEORGE H. & BARBARA BUSH: *Extremely kind and considerate Always respectful. Took great care in making sure the agents' comforts were taken care of. They even brought them meals, etc.
*One time Barbara Bush brought warm clothes to agents standing outside at Kennebunkport; one agent who was given a warm hat, and when he tried to nicely say "no thanks" even though he was obviously freezing, President Bush said "Son, don't argue with the First Lady, put the hat on.." He was the most prompt of the Presidents. He ran the White House like a well-oiled machine.*
She ruled the house and spoke her mind.*

BILL & HILLARY CLINTON:**Presidency was one giant party. Not trustworthy --- he was nice because he wanted everyone to like him, but to him life is just one big game and party. Everyone knows of his sexuality.*
She is another phony. Her personality would change the instant cameras were near. She hated with open disdain the military and Secret Service. She was another one who felt people are there to serve her. She was always trying to keep tabs on Bill Clinton.*

ALBERT GORE: An egotistical ass, who was once overheard by his Secret Service detail lecturing his only son that he needed to do better in school or he "would end up like these guys" --- pointing to the agents.*

GEORGE W. & LAURA BUSH: The Secret Service loved him and Laura Bush.
He was also the most physically "in shape" who had a very strict workout regimen. The Bushes made sure their entire administrative and household staff understood to respect and be considerate of the Secret Service. KARL ROVE was the one who was the most caring of the Secret Service in the administration.*
*She was one of the nicest First Ladies, if not the nicest; she never had any harsh word to say about anyone.*

BARACK & MICHELLE OBAMA: " Clinton all over again" - hates the military and looks down on the Secret Service. He is egotistical and cunning; looks you in the eye and appears to agree with you, but turns around and does the opposite---untrustworthy. He has temper tantrums.*
She is a complete bitch, who hates anybody who is not black; hates the military; and looks at the Secret Service as servants.*

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the
shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink..
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who
owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that
shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry
'cause I fed her this mornin.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to
have sex!'
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a
police dog.'

You might want to fact check that nonsense. Nothing but more right wing propoganda.

yeah. Blonde/dog jokes are soooooo offensive. Why does everyone (?) insist on running this crap thru snopes, when it is posted on "smiles for the day"? Just wondering.