AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says: "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.

She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says:

"You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find."

Three old guys walkin down the beach.
Old guy #1 says,"Its Windy Today!'
Old guy #2 says,"No it's Thursday!"
Old guy #3 says,"Me too, Lets go have a beer!"

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.

I thought that maybe if I ac ted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, 'And where do you think you're going?!'
She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

There have been quite a few complaints about the "tone" and adult subject matter of the smiles of the day. As this is a family message board I am respectfully requesting that folks take a moment to think about who will be reading the posts. Everyone has a different tolerance level but on this board, for now how about - it you can say it to your grandmother and a 16 year old child then please feel free to post!

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principals office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principals office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us a different question. She asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."


Guess where I am now...

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'


'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

Sounds to me like she's been ....sweeping around!!!

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by.. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... And wasn't drunk.



Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other....


Look Paddy....there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.'

Thank you - this gave me a great laugh.

This reminded me of one of my adventures:

My husband, brother and I had a bad habit of deciding to NOT go fishing on particular weekends. We would start drinking beer and playing pinochle on Friday night and too many times about 3:00 in the morning change our mind, get out the maps, pile in our 1949 purple Plymouth coupe and go fishing. (This was 1960-61)

I was the map reader and I found a nice looking lake on the north side of Mt. Tamalpias in Marin County. We lived across the bay in Contra Costa County so took the Richmond Bridge and went through Mill Valley.

About half way up the mountain we ran into fog - fog so heavy we could not see the center line or the sides of the road. So my husband leaned out the driver's side window and my brother leaned out the passenger side and I drove.

Ron would say "A little to the right."
Al would say "A little to the left."
At one point Al is yelling "To the left, to the left to the left."

We descended the mountain and came out of the fog right at sunrise and there before us was a beautiful lake. We got geared up and just as we started casting a Fish & Game Officer drove up.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"DUH?"
"Didn't you see the signs?"
"What signs?"
"The fishing restrictions signs. Fishing Monday through Friday only and only by residents of Marin County."
When we assured him we had not seen any sign he asked how cold we have gotten there without seeing the signs.
When we pointed up the mountain his face fell.
"You came over the mountain? You must be crazy." He chased us out. Besides the hang overs were starting to set in. We drove home around the lake into Ross.

The following weekend we decided to drive the route during daylight. Holy Crap! The passenger side of the road did not have any shoulders and the sever drop off was several thousand feet.

But that didn't cure us - there were other adventures in that old car.

This made me smile, hope you too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&vq=medium