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Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The
house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen,
a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See
while he helped deliver the baby...
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed
and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his
bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed
3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed..
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
first place.....smack his butt again!'

ok lets get the Kirks up next!!!!

Due to the large number of jobs moving from California to Texas, the Lone Star State
has compiled a 'Californian to Texan' Translation Guide, as follows:



CALIFORNIAN WORDS:
TEXAN WORDS:

Arsenal of Weapons
Gun Collection

Delicate Wetlands
Swamp

Undocumented Worker
Illegal Alien

Cruelty-Free Materials
Synthetic Fiber

Assault and Battery
Attitude Adjustment

Heavily Armed
Well-protected

Narrow-minded
Righteous

Taxes or Your Fair Share
Coerced Theft

Commonsense Gun Control
Gun Confiscation Plot

Illegal Hazardous Explosives
Fireworks for Stump Removal

Non-viable Tissue Mass
Unborn Baby

Equal Access to Opportunity
Socialism

Multicultural Community
High Crime Area

Fairness or Social Progress
Marxism

Upper Class or "The Rich "
Self-Employed

Progressive, Change
Big Government Scheme

Homeless or Disadvantaged
Bums or Welfare Leeches

Sniper Rifle
Scoped Deer Rifle

Investment For the Future
Higher Taxes

Healthcare Reform
Socialized Medicine

Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater
Conservative

Truants
Homeschoolers

Victim or Oppressed
Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing

High Capacity Magazine
Standard Capacity Magazine

Religious Zealot
Church-going

Reintroduced Wolves
Sheep and Deer Killers

Fair Trade Coffee
Overpriced Yuppie Coffee

Exploiters or "The Rich "
Employed or Land Owner

The Gun Lobby
NRA Members

Assault Weapon
Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine)

Fiscal Stimulus
New Taxes and Higher Taxes

Same Sex Marriage
Legalized Perversion

Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting
Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs

A testimony to true friendship is...

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife screams at him as his friend listens in. "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"

"Because he's thinking of getting married."

Good One!

Car maint, is like cooking, right?

http://i.imgur.com/gpALGIH.gif

Now, Thats FUNNY !

Amazing Human Body


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.



Women
will be finished reading this by now.



Men
are still busy checking their thumbs

And women are busy check all men's thumbs.