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Strange Random Thoughts

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be
in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm
pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 195
lbs. I've gained.

I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks, "Who
does something like that?!?"

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you
a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?

Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be his
final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race
when he had his blinker on the whole time.

The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely
proportional to the severity of the sh*t storm that's coming.

Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' .....If you're in Denny's
and it's your birthday... your life sucks!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need.....not all this, "how
did you get in my house" business!

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's going to get me
something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a
Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. ...This is upsetting news to
me............ I had no idea I was Japanese.


I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their nose?

When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women
say "Oh my God, it's huge!"

Author unknown, al least by me!

Not a Joke, but worth the read.

In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . ...

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Enjoy life NOW… it has an expiration date. Give a hug. Make a call. Make eye contact with that person who is "different". Count your blessings because there are many if you take the time to see them.

I'm going to post this on face book. Thank you so much

Puns for Educated Minds??


1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table
was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her
still.

4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra
class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.
No matter how much you push the
envelope,
It'll still be stationery.

6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.

7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a
tie.

9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp
wall.
The police are looking into it.

10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.

11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other:
'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then
it hit me.

14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.

16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

17.
A backward poet writes inverse.


18.
In a democracy it's your vote that
counts.
In feudalism it's your count that
votes.

19.
When cannibals ate a missionary,
They got a taste of religion.

20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
You'd be in Seine.

21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an
airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per
passenger.'

22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says,
'Dam!'


23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm
positive.'

25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.
There was the person who
sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

chortle

Thanks for making me think out loud a few times.

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70! How about past 80?



1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.



2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.



3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.



4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"



5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.



6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.



7. Things you buy now won't wear out.



8. You can eat supper at 5 PM .



9. You can live without sex, but not your glasses.



10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.



11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.



12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.



13. You sing along with elevator music.



14. Your eyes won't get much worse.



15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.



16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.



17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.



18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.



19. You can't remember who sent you this list.



20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.



Forward this to everyone you can remember right now! And remember, Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

In case you forgot or didn't know this trivia:



ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK - "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY".
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.

HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ..

OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE - 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY'
STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5,1995, IN TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT Mr. Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.

HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR GORSKY":

IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.

HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY, "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

It broke the place up. NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

How fast can you guess these words?

1.BOO_S
2._ _NDOM
3.F_ _K
4.P_N_S
5.PU_S_
6.S_X



Answers: 1. Books 2. Random 3. Fork 4. Pants 5. Pulse 6. Six


You got all 6 wrong, didn't you?
You are definitely dirty minded!