Russian Pres.Putin called Pres.Bush (USA) with an EMERGENCY REQUEST; "Our largest condom factory has exploded, my people's favorite form of birth control, IT's a disaster!"
Pres. Bush replies: " I will do anything in my power to help".
Putin: " Please send 1 billion condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
...and please make them Red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?"
Pres. Bush: "No Problem". With that he hangs up and calls the CEO of our US condom factory...
CEO: consider it done.
Pres: And make sure they are all Red in color, 10" long, 4" in diameter."
CEO: anything else?
Pres: Yeah, please print on each condom MADE IN THE USA (size small)
:p
AmbergrisCaye.com 
A 737 is full of passengers on its way to Houston. A blonde woman in coach class gets up and goes over to the stewardess demanding to sit in First Class. The Stewardess tells her, "your ticket is coach class. Please go sit down in your seat". The Blonde says, "But I always sit in first class on my way to Houston". This keeps up for another 5 or times, the Blonde refuses to leave First Class. Then the stewardess goes into the cockpit and tells the Captain. He says, "Hey, lemme handle this. My wife is blonde." He turns the controls over the co-pilot, gets up and goes back to First Class, whispers something into the Blonde's ear. She gets up and goes straight back to her seat in Coach. The stewardess says, "What on earth did you say to her?" He says "I told her First Class isn't going to Houston. But Coach Class is." :p
How long does it takes a Moose to eat road kill? Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.
