AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area mQQse's joke room...LIGHTEN OUP...post a joke

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have
>many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of
>you
>who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we
>would like your assistance with:
>
>1) The next time you see someone (an adult) talking during the playing
>of the National anthem.....kick their ass.
>
>2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in
>protest...kick their ass. If you see this on television, as many of us
>have,
>you are simply required to have a deep burning suddenly arise inside of
>you....then go and kick their ass.
>
>3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest
>amount of respect to all Veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise,
>quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very
>freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices
>these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while
>the
>Veteran kicks their ass.
>
>4) If you are not in the military, DO NOT pretend that you are. Wearing
>battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special
>Forces", and collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been okay if you were
>still seven, but now it will only get your ass kicked. (Veterans are exempt
>from this rule)
>
>5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine "Sir," stand
>back.....a
>Marine will kick their ass.
>
>6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them "Do you
>fly a jet?". Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. A Marine will be
>called to kick your ass. (children are exempt)
>
>7) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper....it
>was
>a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh and sooner or later, your ass will be
>kicked.
>
>8) Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet
>and
>pay homage to her and the military member or Veteran lucky enough to carry
>her. Your stupid funnel cake will forgive you if you stand for 5 minutes
>with your hand over your heart. You might as well be throwing the funnel
>cake at the flag if you don't stand.....of course, either will earn you a
>severe ass kicking.
>
>9) What Jane Fonda did about Vietnam makes her the enemy....hate her or
>else. (asses will be kicked)
>
>10) Don't try to discuss politics to a military member. We might vote as
>separate parties, but that doesn't mean we don't all bleed the same We are,
>simply put, Americans. Our military Chain of Command, to include our
>Commander in Chief...the President... (for those who didn't know) is all
>that we acknowledge. We have no inside track on what happens inside those
>big important buildings where all those "representatives" meet. The
>military
>member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass
>already.)
>
>11) "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me....stop saying
>it!
>If she did, she would most likely kick your ass!
>
>12) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists. So stop saying, "Let's go
>kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls
>are
>not standard issue in the military. That reminds me...if you see anyone
>calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know. So I can kick their
>ass.
>
>13) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military,
>support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas
>that
>you enjoy with family and friends, there are thousands of troops overseas.
>
>Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day.
>Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.

P. S. God is not a religion...there is only god. Religion is something fanatic control freaks cook up.

I know...its a bad, old joke, but check out my new avatar:)
----------------------------------------------
True Paradise
(Shipwreck joke)
A hurricane blew up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 5-star hotels, he had no idea what to do, so for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a row-boat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a row-boat wash up with you."

"It's only me," she said, "and the row-boat didn't wash up; nothing did."

He was confused. "Then how did you get the row-boat?"

"Oh, simple," replied the woman."I made the row-boat out of materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware." "But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"

Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the row-boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?" "No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced: "I'm going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto it's end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines - strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know....." She stared into his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean--?" he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"

WELL..... CUD HE.......???????

Da MQQSE acknowledges in person how smart he knows woman are..and who said he is not sensitive.

YAH WHAT muthah f%$$ah SEH AH NUH SENZTIV

[note no bad words....jejejej ]

hey, hey, hey, now watch it. i am a muthah.

Subject: Students and Teacher

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and licking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and licked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

i've actually done that trick awi a old gal fren....freaked her out...

Subject: learn chinese in 5 min
1) That's not right ... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP... Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ... Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ... Chin Tu Fat 9) It's very dark in here ... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ... Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone ... No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight ... Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great ... Fa Kin Su Pah

OMG the secret is out!!!! moose is chinese. i now recognize the script!!!