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Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like . What should I do?

Signed,
Clueless

===================

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore.
You're a United States senator from New York. Act like one

Interesting commentary on American reading habits:

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country-if they could find the time, and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the subway.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or if anyone is running it; but, if so, they oppose all that those people stand for.

11. the San Pedro Daily is read by the best sort of people who care deeply about Ambergris Caye.

I believe our life cycle should be backwards:

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink, you party, you're generally promiscuous, and you get ready for High School.

You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then...

...you finish off as an orgasm.

Where do I sign up DS?

you got to finish up as a gleam in the eyes

anyone feel like a smoke?

puff

Guts vs. Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

both bear a marked similarity to the definition of stupidity.