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WE ARE IN TROUBLE!


The population of this country is 300 million.


160 million are retired.


That leaves 140 million to do the work.


There are 85 million in school.


Which leaves 55 million to do the work.


Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.


Leaving 15 million to do the work.


2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing
Osama Bin-Laden.


Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.


Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for
state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.


At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.


Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.


Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.


That leaves just two people to do the work.


You and me.


And there you are,


Sitting on your ass,


At your computer, reading jokes on the AC Message Board.


Nice. Real nice.

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died
And went to Heaven. At the gates, St Peter told Arthur: "Since you've
Been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your
Reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
With God." St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him
To God. God recognised Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one
Who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's
Me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
Pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke.
"Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of women?" God said, "Ah yes"
"Well" said Arthur. "Professional to professional, you too have some
Design flaws in your invention".
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous.

"Hmmm, you may have some good points there", replies God, "Hold on".
God went to his celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and
Waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God
Read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed" God said to
Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
Invention than yours".

Why Men Wear Earrings

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knew his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring" he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

(I always wondered how this trend got started)

Golfing Rules in Montana

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin , Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forests Golf Courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not to startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.

Golfers should be able to recognize the difference between Black bear and grizzly bear droppings on the golf course.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have bells, golf-gloves and sunglasses in them and smell like pepper spray.

Wilma's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check ."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

See - Men just don't listen!

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied... "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem... It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc...
she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more
"symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the
Garden of Eden.

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight.
You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and
the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me.
I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right.
How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will
immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see...
where did I put that useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

What time is it?

http://www.thegoonshow.net/downloads/other/what_time_is_it_eccles.mp3

English humour just post war (2nd World War).

Too Cute.

"An aide to the prime minister of Canada called President Bush a moron. Well that's not fair. Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a moron, that's genius!"
[Jay Leno]

this is great! my honey got a second earring (in his other ear) when we got together and I got my cartilage pierced. 8o)