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Sounds like a mix of Survivor and Amazing Race. The pit stops should be interesting - maybe really pits?

WARNING to women. Be sure and go to the bathroom before you click on this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJW7EF5aVk

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.


She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter,
'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her

shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable

but carries on with the conversation.

A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady,

'now what is happening?'

'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,
'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter.
'You'll be raped and taken advantage of.''Maybe so,' says the old lady,

but I've already got the holes for that.'

An Open Letter To Jesse James

You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock?

How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of

the most beautiful women in the world; she has a body to die for,

and her current wealth and predicted wealth is shadowed only by Oprah,

who even Steadman will tell you, isn't attractive.

But your wife, who recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls

and is now the named America's Sweetheart; you also remember she

just won an Oscar (which translates to more money per picture she

makes in the future)...while you were shacking with that tattooed

freak, who just happens to be a former stripper and is someone's mommy.

You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated asshole

cheater on the planet! And while the State of California is a

no-fault state whereby you may be able to take half of your wife's

wealth, in doing so you would only be hated even more...especially

after Sandra speech during the Oscars in which she did nothing but

praise you. How can you live with yourself after she even cared for your

children?

I only have one thing to say to a despicable, miserable, cheating

piece of crap that you are: Thank You!! You really helped to take the heat off of me.

Lets do lunch sometime and compare notes.

Tiger Woods

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered -

'Is that one word or two?

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT ...

(1) IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY,
YOU WILL RECEIVE 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

(2) IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU
WILL BE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

(3) IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU
WILL GET SHOT.

(4) IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY,
YOU WILL BE JAILED.

(5) IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU
MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

(6) IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY, AND YOUR FATE WILL BE
SEALED.

(7) IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL
BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

(8) IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET:

~~~ A JOB,
~~~ A DRIVERS LICENSE,
~~~ A SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
~~~ WELFARE,
~~~ FOOD STAMPS,
~~~ CREDIT CARDS,
~~~ SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A
HOUSE,
~~~ FREE EDUCATION,
~~~ FREE HEALTH CARE,
~~~ A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON,
~~~ BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC
DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE,
~~~ THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRIES
FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T
GET ENOUGH RESPECT AND,
~~~ IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

... ; I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON
THE SITUATION.

Very funny????

If jesse doesnt like it, he shouldnt read it. Poor thang.

Harry's New Car

Sen. Reid goes to a local GM dealer in Washington , D.C. with the intention of buying a brand new vehicle. Harry looks around and finds a big expensive one he likes. After going back and forth with the salesman, Harry settles on a price of $85,000. Harry and the salesman go back to the office to complete the paperwork. Harry works out a 10-year payment plan, and signs on the bottom line.
The salesman shakes Harry's hand and says, "Thanks Senator Reid, the car will be ready for pickup in 4 years." Harry says, "What are you talking about? Where are the keys to my new car?"
The salesman replies, "No, you don't understand Senator. You make payments for 4 years.....THEN we give you the car. You know, just like your health plan."
Harry, with a choking voice, says to the salesman, "But that's not fair".

And I say without any doubt or embarrassment: No S**T, Sherlock !!!
Get with the program Harry !!!


The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson