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*Retire to Alaska*

*Jim, tired of the stress, quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week
and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet,
just how he likes it.*

*After several months of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.*

*"Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road," the man
says. "Havin' a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to
come by at about 5:00."*

*"Great!" says Jim. "After all these months out here, I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."*

*"Gotta warn you," Cliff says. "Be some drinkin'."*

*"Not a problem," says Jim. "I can drink with the best of 'em."*

*The big man continues, "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."*

*"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! I'll be there," Jim
assures. "Thanks again."*

*"More'n likely be some wild sex, too," Cliff points out.*

*"Not a problem." says Jim, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone
for six months. I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"*

*"Don't much matter," Cliff answers. "Just gonna be the two of us."*
=

For those that don't know about history .... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to [#%!] them off.


And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer

OOOOOOOOOOOOOo, I like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As a proud Liberal, the above rant goes prove what many Liberals already knew; Consevatives are not only full of themselves but they're also full of S____!

"the above rant goes prove what"
As a proud liberal I hope you are capable of speaking more coherently than you type.
I will assume S___ means sugar?

btw: who said, "Give a man a bull and he can fertilize his garden. Give that man a liberal and he can fertilize 40 acres."

"Give a man a bull and he can fertilize his garden. Give that man a liberal and he can fertilize 40 acres."

HAHAHAHA, now that is funny, good smile for the day.

Champion - you sound more like Rykat every day.

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be fvcked if he needed glasses".


This was forwarded to me, along with a copy of Rykats avatar!

I don't care who you are, thats

I agree with many points of view from Rykat, but seldom get into the fray. What Ry said is really funny to me.
This is smiles for the day.