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Nonetheless.....

Don't worry that you're 40…………………. you're just 1 in "COUGAR YEARS"

Lets Hope all them "Miss" Contestants, at least took SEX Education !!!

Rabbits I tell-Ya's

Duped but for 2007 Miss USA, = Priceless Bimbo
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Back to our regular programmed thread
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Forrest Gump Dies and Goes To Heaven
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:

What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.

'How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... ''Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'


St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?''

The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!''

Det engelska språket

Har du någonsin undrat varför utlänningar har problem med det engelska språket?

Låt oss inse det
Engelska är ett dumt språk.
Det finns inga ägg i auberginen
Ingen skinka i hamburgare
Och varken tall eller äpple i ananas.
English muffins inte uppfanns i England
Pommes frites var inte uppfunnet i Frankrike.

Vi tar ibland engelska för givet
Men om vi undersöka dess paradoxer finner vi att
Quicksand tar dig ner långsamt
Boxning ringar är fyrkantiga
Och ett marsvin är varken från Guinea är inte heller en gris.


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O Idioma Inglês

Alguma vez você já se perguntou por que os estrangeiros têm dificuldade com o idioma Inglês?

Vamos enfrentá-lo
Inglês é uma língua estúpido.
Não há nenhum ovo na berinjela
Não presunto no hamburger
E nem pinheiros nem maçã no abacaxi.
Muffins de Inglês não foram inventados na Inglaterra
Batatas fritas não foram inventadas na França.

Nós às vezes fazer exame de Inglês para concedido
Mas se examinarmos seus paradoxos, descobrimos que
Quicksand leva você para baixo lentamente
Ringues de boxe são quadrados
E um porquinho da índia não é nem da Guiné nem é um porco.
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The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of
me life! Between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night
at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep,
and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

A rich man from Glasgow decided to have a party and invited all his Rangers buddies.

He also invited Sean, his gardener and the only Celtic fan in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and bbq and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million pounds to anyone who has the balls to jump in",

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Sean in the pool fighting the Croc and kicking it's ass, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywere.

Both Sean and the croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Sean strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a goldfish. Sean then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everyone just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well Sean, I reckon I owe you a million pounds" " Nah; you all right boss, I dont want it," said Sean.

The rich man said " I have to give you something, how about a half million pounds then".

"No thanks I don't want it" answered Sean.

The host continued " I insist on giving you something, that was amazing what you done. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex".

Again Sean said no.

Confused the rich man asked, " There must be something you want? what can I give you?."

'5 Minutes with the Orange B*stard who pushed me in the fookin' pool!!

A Green Bay Packer question

Last year.... after the Packers / Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards.

During the Packers / Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb. Philadelphia then had to play backup quarterback Michael Vick.

During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and another backup was needed.

After the Packers / Cowboys game, Dallas fired Wade Phillips and most of his staff.

After the Packers / Vikings game, Minnesota fired Brad Childress and most of his staff.

Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er's coach Mike Singletary and most of his staff were fired and replaced.

During the Bears Playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd Collins forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.

So here's the question ....

Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs last year than Obama?

"Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs last year than Obama?"

No Doubt!!!!