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Joined: Feb 2009
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Never seen a nest of Hot Wheels?


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
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Scottish Wedding


At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
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grin grin


a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
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SEX


Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore…..

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.


Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
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Lance Armstrong


I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,

especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig'n bike.


Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
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Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
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THE TOILET SEAT



My wife had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet.

Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out.


After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.

As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.

We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation,I undid the toilet seat bolts.

Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.


The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this).

Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......
I just never saw one mounted and framed."


"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
E
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E
Hahahaha !!!! Yer going to hell ! smile

Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
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good one!

Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
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The Agony of Aging


On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

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