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One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.

Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.


While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces," I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down
next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?
She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

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"You've built a Golf Course?"
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What happens when a frogs car breaks down......it gets toad away!

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse,
his wife, his daughter and two sons are all gathered at his bedside
with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder to
be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."

"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the city Center
."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
banks of the river."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away by his extensive holdings. As
Doug slips away, the nurse says:

"Mrs Smith, your husband must have been a very hard working man to
have accumulated so much property."

Sarah replies, "Property? ..... the asshole had a paper route."

THE SMALL BROWN BOTTLE

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. And, when I got there, I went straight back to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists? counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.


The Pharmacist came over, smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"


Being I'm a senior citizen I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me, and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.


When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

And, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HECK NO!!!"


So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief! My Doctor told me to get my urine tested for sugar!!!!!"


Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because they aren't very friendly there anyway!!!!! And besides there is a new Walgreens closer to my house now!!!!!!

OK Ragman, solve this.


https://www.youtube.com/v/9O9HfafzBPE?version=3

I have not had enough "alcohol" to solve that one; or just too OLD ! Come on ragman!!

I think I need a drink after looking at this problem. I'll pass.

Leroy,

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You're driving me mad,Leroy."

One day Leroy's mom came to school to check on how he was doing.
The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had she seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career.

The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac disease.
All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her.

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but quickly died .
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly.

Then he turned around and saw our friend Leroy, a janitor in the Clinic, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner.

Don't tell me you thought Leroy became a heart-surgeon.

a perfectly good explanation


Brains of older people are slow because they know so much . People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe . Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.
Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline . The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more .
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise .

SO THERE!!

Bob I'm glad you cleared that up. I'm going to print that and post it for my wife to read so she can understand what she is actually dealing with. Now where did I put my printer and do I remember how to operate it?