You Know It's Bad When...

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.

You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.

You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night....... and there aren't any.

You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.

Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it.

You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.

Airline food starts to taste good.

Your mother approves of the person you are dating.

Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.

You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.

Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.

Everyone loves your driver's license picture.

You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.

Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.

You look out the window of the airplane and the B.F. Goodrich Blimp is gaining on you.

The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed.

Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." and you remember that you were home by yourself.

Everyone is laughing but you.

My reality check bounced.