And a little present from my new wife:

Female Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
And who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks,
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed,
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more,
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend. Amen

Male Prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store, golf course and island home, This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Amen

Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt