A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well
dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit,flower
in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave,
presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an
upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an
elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her,
orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says,
"So tell me, do I come here often?"
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for
a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the
gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the
other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm
just full of aches and pains. I know you're about
my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair,no teeth, and I think I just wet my
pants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Reading
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says,"No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
(I can relate . . )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but
it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get
a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris
walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke
to Morris and said, "You're really doing great,
aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a
hot mamma and be cheerful.'
" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and finally
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a
stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
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