Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love,Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa (aka IM)

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But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman