The Five Stages Of Drunk:

Provided as a public service, you don't have to experience
these stages yourself, at least not all of them!

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject
in the known Universe. You know you know everything and
want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen.
At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the
person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for
an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING
person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You
can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you
and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are
still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any
subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the
world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you
have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar.
You can also make bets at this stage, because of course,
you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets.
It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You
will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because
now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone
especially those with whom you have been betting or
arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this
point you can also go up to the partners of the people
who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money.
You have no fear of losing this battle because you are
SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than
they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you
can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a
table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest
of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also
invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can
walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs
because no one can see or hear you and because you're
still SMART you know all the words.