Question--why should you always take two Republicans fishing with you?

If you take only one, he'll smoke all your pot, but if you take two, they won't smoke any.

I hear that the Replubicans are considering changing their emblem from an Elephant to a condom because a condom stands for inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of d**ks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal." -Bill Maher

"A new poll shows President Obama ahead of Sarah Palin 54 percent to 39 percent in a potential match up. You know what that means? John McCain could get Barack Obama elected twice." -Jay Leno

"A new study says that radiation from Wi-Fi is hurting trees. Environmentalists are calling it the worst assault on trees since George W. Bush and Sarah Palin became authors." -Jimmy Fallon