Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Ernie: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene and a bazooka!
Ernie: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol